Interaction
by Mr Emerid
Summary: My first Best Wars fic, Script Style. This is soley Interactive Humor.


(Beast Wars season 3 intro plays)   


  


INTERACTION  


  


_Written by_  
Lance Park  


  
(Zoom in to see Rhinox and Optimus looking down at what's left of the Axalon on the stone of the lake by the waterfall)  
  
Rhinox: Any ideas on how to get it back to the Ark?  
  
Optimus: So far the only choice is to lift it up and haul it back to base.   
  
Rhinox: You could probably lift it. That new body does seem to have improved   
muscle power.  
  
Optimus: Yes, it still feels so strange though.  
  
Rhinox: Being twenty feet bigger than the rest of us?  
  
Optimus:(chuckles) That, and also ever since I put Prime's spark back I've   
felt.....empty somehow.  
  
Rhinox:(shrugs) Holding that much power and then letting it go can't be easy.  
  
Optimus: Maybe.   
  
Rhinox: What everyone else is thinking is that you keep changing.  
  
Optimus: Yes, I find that unsettling too. I think this is permanent. No more remolds for me.  
  
Rhinox:(chuckles)  
  
Optimus: All right. Let's head back to base and get Cheetor.  
  
Rhinox: I'll radio him.  
  
Optimus: No. Megatron might be monitoring our signals. Plus I don't want anyone traveling by himself without back-up while we don't have a base.  
  
Rhinox: Understood.   
  
(Primal changes to jet mode. Rhinox climbs on and they rocket back to the Mountain)  
  
(zoom out)  
  
(Zoom in to Rattrap and Cheetor sitting in the Ark. Rattrap is sitting on the crumpled form of Soundwave, his feet propped up on Soundwave's face.)  
  
Cheetor: Do you think it's a good idea to be in here?  
  
Rattrap: What's th' harm? 'S not like we got anything better ta do.  
  
Cheetor: But sitting on our ancestors...isn't that kinda insulting to them?  
  
Rattrap: Hello? They're out colder than a piston! S' not like they're gonna   
get up and ask us ta get off 'em. Sides, you ain't zactly sittin' on a chair   
yerself, Pussycat.  
  
(Zoom out to see Cheetor sitting on Optimus' shoulder.)  
  
Cheetor: Yeah....but at least I'm not using his face for a stool.  
  
Rattrap: Oh, kwitchyer moanin'. There ain't nothin' ta do till Horn-head and   
Popop get back.  
  
Cheetor: But with Silverbolt and Blackarachnia out to get parts from Megs's   
jamming towers for salvage, shouldn't we be doing something?  
  
Rattrap: I'm sittin' right here on ol' Boom box till Optimus and Horn head get back.   
  
Cheetor:(hears Optimus's jets.) Speaking of which. (transforms to beast mode   
and flies outside. Rattrap follows.)  
(Rhinox jumps off Optimus, allowing him to transform to gorilla mode.)  
  
Cheetor: Big Bot, what's up?  
  
Optimus: I need your help to bring a large bulk of salvage here, Cheetor.   
Rhinox, stay here and wait for Silverbolt and Blackarachnia to return with   
the jamming tower parts.   
(Transforms to jet mode and flies out, with Cheetor trailing behind.)  
  
Rattrap: What just happened?  
  
Rhinox:The Axalon bridge section is mostly intact. Optimus and Cheetor are   
bringing it back here.  
  
Rattrap:(grins) ALL RIGHT! My stuff is in the bridge section!  
  
Rhinox: Do you really only think about yourself?  
  
Rattrap: Most a' da time.  
  
(Zoom out, Go to black. Zoom in to Cheetor and Optimus landing near the wreck of the Axalon Bridge.)  
  
Cheetor: I still can't Believe Crablegs did this to our ship.  
  
Optimus: It IS a bit disturbing, isn't it?  
  
Cheetor: Yeah. (looks to Optimus) What's the plan, Big Bot?  
  
Optimus: (Pulls a long cord from behind him) Here. You fly up at maximum speed from above while I get below it.  
  
Cheetor: Sure you can do that?  
  
Optimus: Maybe. If not, we're no worse off.  
  
(Optimus ties the rope to Cheetor and then to the top of the Axalon, flying up   
to the top then back to Cheetor. Cheetor flies up. Optimus bends down and grabs the bottom of the Axalon, then strains to pick it up)  
  
Cheetor: Jets MAXIMUM BURN! (Cord pulls taut as Cheetor flies up)  
  
Optimus:UUUHHHUUUUHHHHNNNNNN! RRHHHHOOOOOOOAARRRRGH!  
(We see the Axalon lift an inch, then another inch until Optimus is flying, holding onto the bottom)  
  
Cheetor: (whisper) I thought I'd seen everything.  
  
(Zoom out to Optimus holding the bridge from the side with Cheetor in the lead, flying slowly back towards the Mountain)  
  
(Zoom in to Blackarachnia and Silverbolt dragging a crate full of satellite dishes and   
metal pillars into the Mountain)  
  
(Rattrap and Rhinox run up)  
  
Silverbolt: We have appropriated what you requested. NNNN. Where shall I put   
it?  
  
Rhinox: Put the tower parts over there in the corner by the largest stalagmite. I'll get the jamming dishes, Blackarachnia.  
(Rhinox grabs Blackarachnia's crate and follows Silverbolt to the stalagmite.)  
  
Blackarachnia: What? Don't trust me with a simple overgrown salad bowl?  
  
Rattrap:(Mutters) I wouldn' trust ya with a Hov'r-wrench.  
  
(Blackarachnia grabs Rattrap by the throat and points her gun at him. We see   
Silverbolt run over and put his hand on the gun.)  
  
Silverbolt: Blackarachnia, he didn't mean it!  
  
Rattrap: Like slag I didnGRRRHKK----okay! okay! I'm sorry!  
  
Blackarachnia: This is how I'm treated after I saved Big Mac Prime??? Like I'm gonna backstab you all? Well, in CASE you haven't noticed, GOUDA HEAD, If   
you Bots lose, I lose with you!  
  
Silverbolt: Blackarachnia, please! It's been the tension! We are all more than a little stressed with what has transpired these last few days! He-he just overreacted!  
  
Rattrap:(Looks at Silverbolt and tilts his head in Blackarachnia's direction.) I   
overreacted? SHE'S the one with the gun!!  
  
(Blackarachnia looks at Rattrap, then lets him go and puts the gun away.   
Then walks away. Rattrap gets up and looks at Silverbolt.)  
  
Rattrap: Y'know, Bird-dog, ya got th' WEIRDEST taste 'n Females. An' I use   
da term extremely loosely when refferin' to Spider-dame over there.  
  
(Silverbolt growls at Rattrap, then walks away, following Blackarachnia.)  
  
  
(Zoom in to Rhinox taking a control panel from a jamming tower apart on a flat rock. We see Rattrap walk behind him.)  
  
Rattrap: Whatcha up ta, Rhinox?  
  
Rhinox: Removing usable circuitry from the jamming towers.  
  
Rattrap: What for?  
  
Rhinox: Salvage.  
  
Rattrap: Oh. (He falls silent and fidgets.)  
  
Rhinox: (sigh) Is something bothering you?  
  
Rattrap: Well, kinda. Everythin's changing. I mean, when we first landed   
here, we had all da advantages an' everything. Then alla sudden we're inna   
fight ta save Cybertron itself.  
  
Rhinox: I can see how that would bother a Bot. Hand me the Wire cutters.  
  
Rattrap:(Hands him a tool that looks like a cross of Scissors and a stapler.)  
S' not just 'at. I was in more comfortable workin' conditions when I was my old brown n' gray self. Now we got trouble with a capital M shootin' outta every Exhaust port and port hole.  
  
Rhinox: Things HAVE gotten much worse.  
  
Rattrap: I mean, I was fine when I turned Transmetal cuz I had at least a   
semblance of familiar surroundings. NOW the idea is to live in an overgrown lava pit with a giant sacred junkpile as lawn furniture.  
  
Rhinox: (dryly) You'll adapt.  
  
Rattrap: True. Thanks Horn-head, sometimes ya gotta just let it out.  
  
Rhinox: Of course. Hand me the Hyper spanner.  
  
Rattrap:(Hands him something that looks like a screw driver crossed with a   
laser and looks at him shrewdly.) Y'know, I think we should give ol' T-Rex Meg   
a holler and invite him inta da Ark and let him run rampant and blow all the   
Autobots' heads ta slag.  
  
Rhinox: Oh absolutely. Couldn't agree more.  
  
Rattrap: You haven't heard a word I've said, have ya?  
  
Rhinox: Nope.  
  
Rattrap: Typical! I spill my most INNERMOST feelings to ya, and you don't   
have th' courtesy t' listen? I oughtta take my gun and...( he is interrupted   
by hearing Optimus' jets.)  
  
Rhinox: Optimus is back. Let's move! (Drops his tools and runs towards the   
opening.)  
  
(Rattrap stops by Blackarachnia and Silverbolt, who are having an argument.)  
  
Rattrap: YO! LEGS! BOWSER! Stop snugglin' and help us get the hunkajunk   
Optimus brought back in!  
  
Silverbolt: Oh, uh, Yes, of course!  
  
(Rhinox directs Optimus and Cheetor with some strange glowing sticks while Blackarachnia and Silverbolt widen the entrance for the Axalon by blowing chunks away with their weapons.)  
  
Rhinox: Okay, a little more. Bring it forward.....a little to the left, little more, now to the right... Right there!  
  
(They drop it inches from Rattrap, who jumps back in surprise.)  
  
Rattrap: Watch where yer dumpin' junk, ape face!  
  
(Optimus and Cheetor land. Cheetor transforms to Robot mode.)  
  
Optimus: All right. First thing to do is gather all the equipment from inside the Axalon. Rhinox, take care of that. Rattrap, take out all salvageable weapons. Blackarachnia, Silverbolt, fly out to the Axalon's original location, and see what else is left.   
  
Silverbolt: We are on our way! (Transforms to beast mode.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Salvage duty? Uh, give the job to the rat. He's used to messing around with junk. I'll take the Weapons detail.  
  
Optimus: Negative. Rattrap knows where the weapons are located.   
  
Blackarachnia: FINE.  
  
(Blackarachnia boards Silverbolt. They fly out of the cavern.)  
  
Cheetor: What can I do, Big Bot?  
  
Optimus: I want you to find a heavy-duty electrical cable to hook up to Teletran 1 later. We'll need a power source once everything is set up.  
  
Cheetor: I'm on the job!  
(Cheetor walks over to the jamming tower parts.)  
  
Optimus: All right. Let's get to work! (Optimus starts tearing pieces of armor from the Axalon's hull.)  
  
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  
  
(Zoom out and go black, then zoom in to Blackarachnia and Silverbolt landing near the lake where Optimus and Cheetor got the Axalon Bridge.)  
  
Silverbolt: Look for any piece of equipment you can, my love.  
  
Blackarachnia: Well, DUH. I heard the Ape.  
  
Silverbolt: (Transforms to robot mode.) Something seems to be bothering you.  
  
Blackarachnia: Your Maximal buddies have been treating me like I was gonna   
shoot them in the back every time they turned around! Gee, Why would I be   
bothered by that? (Walks off to the right, picking up a piece of the Axalon   
hull.)  
  
Silverbolt: They have not yet adjusted to your presence. You must admit that the circumstances surrounding your alliance with them was rather unusual.  
  
Blackarachnia: They could at least treat me with respect! I saved Trailer Park's life, and I get suspicions.  
  
Silverbolt: Yes, but you must accept that YOU were the one who made it possible for Megatron to commit the crime.  
  
Blackarachnia: Like I don't feel bad enough already. (Tosses metal plate   
away and walks back to the left.)  
  
Silverbolt: Still, how are you adjusting?  
  
Blackarachnia: Compared to when I was with the Predacons and had some decent   
equipment? Not very well.  
  
Silverbolt: That will change when we have set up the base.  
  
Blackarachnia: (Picks up an autocannon barrel and tosses it into a pile on   
top of the metal plate.) Shut up and work, Bowser.  
  
Silverbolt: Yes, dear.  
  
(Zoom out, zoom into the cavern and into the Axalon Bridge, where we see   
almost all the armor stripped off. Focus on Rhinox, who is gathering   
various tools. Optimus cuts away what's left of the armor above him.)  
  
Rhinox: I've got all the equipment together.   
  
Optimus: Good. (Rips away another armor plate.) Start cutting away the   
command table and the floor, but leave the command stations alone. Then Cut   
away the Living Quarter's area.  
  
Rhinox: Right. ( Takes out a face mask and also the welder Rattrap used in   
"AGENDA part 3" and starts cutting out the floor.)  
  
(Rattrap hauls out a box of various Predacon parts. Sticking out are Waspinator's arm, Original Megatron's dino-head arm, Terrousar's foot, Scorponok's tail, Tarantulas' spider legs, and Inferno's head.)  
  
Optimus: I thought I told you to gather the weapons, Rattrap.  
  
Rattrap: I did. (Points to a giant pile of various Maximal weapons,   
ammunition, and autoguns.) An' now I want a little QUALITY time ta get my stuff out.  
  
Optimus: Good idea, Gather everyone's belongings and put them in a pile. Then   
help Rhinox cut the Axalon into separate pieces.  
  
Rattrap: WHAT? We're dissectin' the Axalon? Optimus, you got a wire loose in   
that giant head?  
  
Optimus: As it is now we have no use for it. But by cutting it in parts we can build a separate bridge area and a living quarters.  
  
Rhinox: That and Optimus needs to fit in his quarters, and the corridor size won't fit him.  
  
(Optimus gives Rhinox a frown.)  
  
Rattrap: Ahhh. I unnerstand.   
  
(He drags the box away, returns, and goes into another Quarters.)  
  
Rhinox: Are you sure you want him in our quarters?  
  
Optimus: Not especially. But I don't want to risk damaging our personal belongings when we cut away the living area.   
  
(Optimus rips away the last armor plating, making the Axalon Bridge look like a room with no walls or ceiling.)  
  
Optimus: I'll go get Cheetor and start putting together the blast doors.  
  
Rhinox: We'll have to mold it to the shape of the cavern opening.  
  
Optimus: Not if we fill the remaining space with Rocks.  
  
Rhinox: Ah. Clever.  
  
Optimus: Yes. Hand me two welders.  
  
(Rhinox throws him a pair of Cybertronian welders.)  
  
Optimus: Thanks. (Walks off in search of Cheetor.)  
  
(Zoom out, then back in on Cheetor, who is dragging a cable towards the   
Ark. Optimus in jet mode lands and transforms next to him.)  
  
Cheetor: Hey Big Bot.  
  
Optimus: Cheetor, what are you doing?  
  
Cheetor: Well, you said we'd need a cable for power, so I figure you'll get   
the power from Teletran-1, so I'm dragging it into the Ark to save us some   
trouble later.  
  
Optimus: Good deduction. Good job putting the Cable together. I need your   
help to make some blast doors for the entrance.  
  
Cheetor: On it! (He drops the cable and flies up. Optimus leads him to the pile of armor plates he ripped off by the cavern entrance.)  
  
Optimus: All right. Make it seven meters by seven meters, rounded at the top, about a Meter thick. We'll work from there.   
  
Cheetor: Why the heavy metal?  
  
Optimus: It will stand up to attacks better. First we need to put some rubble in to fill the other five feet on either side.  
  
Cheetor: Gotcha. (walks outside to the pile of rubble Blackarachnia and   
Silverbolt had carted off and brings back a big rock.)  
  
Optimus: That's the way to do it. (Starts helping him.)  
  
(Zoom out and to Rattrap, who is hauling a box of stuff. Rhinox is cutting out the floor.)  
  
Rhinox: Are you done yet?  
  
Rattrap: Almost, lemme just dump this wit' d'others, then I gotta go get Cheetor's junk.  
  
Rhinox: Fine.  
  
(Rattrap disappears a minute, then comes back and goes into Cheetor's room.   
He returns the second time with a model of the Axalon.)  
  
Rattrap: Look at this thing.  
  
Rhinox: (disinterestedly) So it's a model of the Axalon.  
  
Rattrap: Yeah, but s' got a button on th' bottom of it and what looks like a   
disk slot on th' back. Plus what looks like a speaker.  
  
(Zoom in on Rattrap and the model. He presses the button. Suddenly "The Touch" starts playing.)  
  
Rattrap: WHAT THE SLAG??!??  
  
Rhinox: (gets up and looks at it.) I think it's something humans called a CD   
player. Cybertronian-styled, of course.  
  
Rattrap: Catchy tune. Leave it on. We could use some o' dat funkay Earth music. 'Sides, sounds kinda cool.   
  
Rhinox: (He shrugs and sets it down.) Fine, whatever. I gotta get back to work.   
  
(He goes back to cutting away the floor, humming along with the   
music. Rattrap hauls a big box of what looks like CD's. The song changes to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Rattrap and Rhinox sing along softly.)  
  
Rattrap: Whee ee ee Ee aeeeeeabumbumdaway. Awhemowep awhemowep....  
  
Rhinox: In the jungle the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight....  
  
Rattrap: Awah awah awah. Awhemowep....  
  
(Blackarachnia and Silverbolt walk toward them, lugging the equipment. They stop to watch and hear Rattrap and Rhinox singing.)  
  
Silverbolt: Very........curious.  
  
Blackarachnia: What're you Bots doing?  
  
(Rhinox looks at them and quickly goes back to work. Rattrap simply grins   
sheepishly.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Eeech. (Walks past them and to the Equipment pile, She and   
Silverbolt dumping the weapons there.)  
  
Silverbolt: I feel they were just looking for a way to vent their stress.  
  
Blackarachnia: They were singing!  
  
Silverbolt: Yes, and if that is what keeps them from venting their frustration in some more violent way, who are we to complain, my love?  
  
Blackarachnia: You have a point, Bowser-boy, a very blunt point but still... We   
ALL are putting the stress circuits at maximum.   
  
Silverbolt: I agree. Have you ever thought of venting your frustration through music? I think you might surprise yourself....  
  
Blackarachnia: The day I sing is the same day I waltz into Megaton's base and BEG   
him to strip my circuits and blow my head off.  
  
Silverbolt: But you might consider it.....  
  
(Blackarachnia points her leg guns at him.)  
  
Silverbolt: (meekly) Or not, dear....  
  
(Zoom out and zoom in to See Optimus helping Rhinox put supports under the Bridge area on a ledge overlooking the Ark.)  
  
Optimus: So how is Base construction progressing?  
  
Rhinox: Once we put these (Shoves a support into place) supports in, we   
can install the CR tank by the Bridge area. Then it's a matter of putting in   
the Elevator system Blackarachnia proposed. We also have to hook up the   
computer core to the systems. Then we can hook Teletran-1 up to power   
everything. But there's a lot more to do.  
  
Optimus: Good. (Puts two supports in and secures them.) I have Cheetor   
and Silverbolt working on installing the cable for power. Rattrap and Blackarachnia are working on hooking the computer core up.  
  
Rhinox: You think that's wise?  
  
Optimus: Actually, no. But those two will have to get along or they'll be useless on Patrol together.  
  
Rhinox: Yeah, there's a lot of tension in the air.   
  
Optimus: Yes I know! (puts the last support in) I'm trying to think of a way to relieve this tension. Rattrap suggested a party, but with all the work we have to do, I don't think we'll be able to do it.  
  
(Zoom in on Blackarachnia and Rattrap. Rattrap is installing a console while Blackarachnia is attaching cables.)  
  
Blackarachnia: So where did Horn-head scrap this thing from, Rodent?  
  
Rattrap: It's RHINOX, and he got it from the AXALON. S' th' computer core. Y'know, Maximal exploration ships always carry two Computah's n' case one goes   
offline. Somethin' PREDS should think about in the case of input receptors.   
  
Blackarachnia: I just asked where it came from, Swiss breath--not for a Maximal's opinion on superior Predacon Internal Circuitry.  
  
Rattrap: (throws down his Wrench and looks at her.) Are you sayin' you   
Preds are SUPERIOR? WHO was it dat foiled ALL of Grape Face's plans?  
  
Blackarachnia: PLEASE! Grape Face's plans were doomed from the beginning! It   
was dumb luck in your case.  
  
Rattrap: Oh, yeah? Who was it dat destroyed his Alien base? MAXIMALS! WE were   
stoppin' him before you even came online! There ain't a plan he c'n come up   
wit' we can't counter!  
  
Backarachnia: Oh? Is THAT why we were cutting up your poor excuse for a ship to   
make a new base? Is that why Megatron blew off Prime's head? Is that why he   
and his Predacons scrapped that loser, Dinobot?  
  
(Rattrap's eye's go wide open, then he sneers.)  
  
Rattrap: THAT'S IT! C'mon, you overgrown tire iron! Let's see y'r internal   
Pred circuitry decorate my QUARTERS! (Jumps and tackles Blackarachnia.)  
  
(They roll around for a while, grabbing each other's throats. Blackarachnia grabs Rattrap's shoulders and headbutts him. Rattrap backs off   
and runs at her, delivering a right cross to her face. Her head snaps to the   
side, then she responds with a roundhouse kick, which Rattrap ducks. He uppercuts her. She stumbles back and smacks him with a double claw. He falls   
to the ground and rubs his chin plate. Blackarachnia is about to stomp on   
him when Rattrap brings both his feet up to his chest and kicks her squarely   
in the gut, sending her back.)  
  
Blackarachnia: That was dirty!  
  
Rattrap: No, DIS is dirty! (He brings his foot back and kicks her squarely   
where her legs joined her body.)  
  
Blackarachnia: AOOOWWW! (Rattrap takes advantage and puts her in a headlock   
with one arm.)  
  
Rattrap: ROBO-NOOGIE! (Proceeds to give Blackarachnia a Major Noogie.   
Blackarachnia yelps in pain, then grabs Rattrap's other arm and flips him into   
the core.)  
  
'Blackarachnia: All right! NO MORE PLAYING AROUND! (She roundhouses Rattrap,   
then kicks him in the gut.)  
  
Rattrap: Web head! (Punches her in the face and tackles her.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Cheddar Brain! (They remain there, wrestling as we zoom out   
and onto Silverbolt and Cheetor Inside the Ark.)  
  
(Cheetor and Silverbolt lift the cable to an Ark console.)  
  
Silverbolt: Careful, careful.  
  
Cheetor: I KNOW how to install this! I was the one who found the cable.  
  
Silverbolt: I quite understand that, but we wouldn't want to install this in another system accidentally.  
  
Cheetor: Are you implying that I don't know how to install a simple power cable?  
  
Silverbolt: Not at all, Friend, I'm just saying we could accidentally install it in another   
system. We aren't exactly familiar with Autobot technology. For all we know   
Megatron has booby trapped the Ark.  
  
Cheetor: I KNOW what Megajerk might've done; I was gettin' out of his traps   
while you were still in orbit!  
  
Silverbolt: Very well....Tell me about some of your missions.  
  
Cheetor: I remember once when Rattrap was playing the spy game in the Predacon base. We went into rescue him, and I got into it with Blackarachnia. I shot her gun then--all eight of her Spider-legs.  
  
Silverbolt: (Eyes go wide.) WHAT??!?  
  
Cheetor: Oh, yeah! Then that one time we hadta rescue Airazor's protoform, I   
was on the defense while Rhinox was fixin' the stasis pod. Blackarachnia surprised me and kicked my butt, but when she tried ta fire her cybervenom, I caught it and threw it back, right between the eyes, POW!!  
  
(During this speech Silverbolt is growling. When he hears about the cybervenom, he drops the cable and tackles Cheetor.)  
  
Cheetor: What're you doin', Bolt?!?   
(He smacks off his attacker and rolls to the side when Silverbolt tries to stomp on   
him. Cheetor gets up and smacks Silverbolt, who staggers back. Silverbolt   
draws back his fist and punchs Cheetor, who goes flying into Optimus Prime's   
leg. Silverbolt draws back and punches again, but Cheetor moves his head to   
the side, letting Silverbolt punch Prime's leg instead. He howls in pain and recoils, holding his hurt fist. Cheetor gives him a solid kick to the gut, sending Silverbolt staggering. Cheetor draws back his claw and punches Silverbolt, sending him flying into Starscream's crumpled form. Cheetor Flies after him, growling in rage. Silverbolt stirs but gets tackled again.)  
  
Silverbolt: UNHAND ME, CHARLATAN!  
  
Cheetor: BACK OFF, KIBBLE HEAD!  
  
Silverbolt: FURBALL!  
  
Cheetor: SLOBBERJAW!  
  
(We see Silverbolt roll over on top of Cheetor. He pushes Silverbolt   
off and gets up. They are fighting near Starscream's face, Cheetor notices,   
turning his head. He turns back to see Silverbolt about to punch his face.   
Cheetor turns his head, sending Silverbolt's fist Into Starscream's nose.   
Cheetor grabs him from behind and sends them rolling downward off Starscream's   
face down to his body, where they continue to wrestle.)  
  
(Zoom out from their fight to Rhinox and Optimus, who turn away from putting in the floor to the Bridge to both sounds of ruckus.)  
  
Rhinox: I'll take Blackarachnia and Rattrap.  
  
Optimus: Right. I'll get the other two. (They separate.)  
  
(Rhinox finds Blackarachnia choking Rattrap with her claws, while Rattrap has torn off one of her Spider legs and is whacking her incessantly with it.)  
  
Rhinox: (sternly) Knock it off, both of you.  
(The combatants back away from each other.)  
  
Rattrap: Eight legs started it!  
  
Blackarachnia: Me?I didn't tackle you till after you tackled me!  
  
Rattrap: I wasn't the one who mouthed off about Chopperface!  
  
Blackarachnia: I Didn't rip off your beast leg and beat you with it!  
  
Rattrap: Yeah? Who was it started chokin' me with my own whip?  
  
Blackarachnia: I didn't poke YOU in the optics and shove your head into the wall!  
  
(They both draw back their respective left and right arm about to punch each   
other.)  
  
Rhinox: HEY! Can't we all just get along??!!?  
  
(We see them lower their arms, then lift them back up.)  
  
Blackarachnia & Rattrap: NO.  
  
(Rhinox steps in between them, trying to stop them.)  
  
Rhinox: That's enough. Just....  
  
(Rhinox is interrupted when they both punch Rhinox on either side of his face.)  
  
Rhinox:.....Stop......it... wuhhhh. ( Rhinox staggers and falls to the floor. Blackarachnia and Rattrap look at him, then look at each other, and get into it again.)  
  
(Zoom into the Ark where Optimus flies in to see Silverbolt slamming Cheetor's head into Ironhide's chest cavity repeatedly.)  
  
Optimus: Silverbolt! Step down!  
  
(We see Silverbolt stop and get up, leaving a now semiconscious and hurting Cheetor mumbling on Ironhide's chest.)  
  
Silverbolt: I...am sorry Optimus. I do not know what came over me.  
  
Optimus: Probably stress. Although I must say pounding Cheetor into one of   
our Ancestor's' chest cavity is not a very promotable stress release datatract.  
  
Silverbolt: Yes..of course. (Silverbolt helps Cheetor up.) How are you faring, Cheetor?  
  
Cheetor: Izz it time fer Guard duty again? I don' wanna go....th' other   
Botzz pick on me.....  
  
Optimus: I'd say he'll be fine. (Optimus helps Silverbolt get Cheetor out of the Ark.)  
  
Cheetor: Where're we goin'....?  
  
Optimus: Ummm, your quarters.  
  
Cheetor: Good.....cuz I wanna list'n t' m' Earth Stan Bush music tapes.......  
  
Optimus: Ooooookay......  
  
(Zoom out and then zoom into the Bridge and on the command table, where   
Silverbolt is putting a wet towel on Cheetor's head. The cat is still swaying   
his head back and forth in semiconsciousness.)  
  
Optimus: How's he doing?  
  
Silverbolt: Well, from his First Bothood we are up to him in the beginning of the Beast Wars.  
  
Cheetor: Ah told ya it w's a floatin' mountain.....  
  
(We hear a dulled explosion that rocks everyone.)  
  
Silverbolt: What was THAT?  
  
Optimus: Well, I'm guessing that since RHINOX hasn't reported back yet, I'd say it was Rattrap and Blackarachnia.  
  
(We see Silverbolt getting ready to fly off. Optimus stops him.)  
  
Optimus: I'll take care of this. Stay with Cheetor.   
(Optimus flies away and lands in the computer core area. We see things   
scattered everywhere. Rhinox's head is halfway out the front wall, while Rattrap and Blackarachnia are sprawled on either side of the room.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Uhhhhhhaaa......  
  
Optimus: I don't even want to know. Just clean everything up. (Optimus pulls Rhinox out of the wall and carries him outside.)  
  
Rhinox: Uhhhooo....I got a headache. And my Jaw servo's are out of synchronization.  
  
Optimus: (sets him down.) You'll be fine.  
  
Rhinox: So how'd it go with Silverbolt and Cheetor?  
  
Optimus: Well, I flew in on Silverbolt desecrating Ironhide's corpse with Cheetor's head.  
  
Rhinox: (We see Rhinox hold in a laugh, barely.) So how's Cheetor?  
  
Optimus: Delirious. He'll be fine, though. Silverbolt's got him under control.  
  
Rhinox: Who STARTED the fight?  
  
Optimus: Apparently.....Oh no.  
(He runs back to the command center, where Silverbolt is bashing Cheetor. The cat's lamely defending himself, with a big wrench Una used in "Go With the Flow."  
  
Silverbolt: HURT MY BELOVED, WILL YOU??  
  
Cheetor: OW! I said UNGH! I UFF! Was OOW! SORRY! *CRUNCH* YEOW!  
  
Optimus: STAND DOWN!  
  
(Silverbolt ignores him and takes out one of his wing missiles. He turns to Optimus and throws it. We See Optimus block it, but still stumble back. Silverbolt takes out another wing missile, about to skewer Cheetor when Rhinox Grabs him.)  
  
Rhinox: KNOCK IT OFF.  
  
Silverbolt: UNHAND ME, RUFFIAN!  
  
Rhinox: You want to fight someone? Bring it on!  
  
(Silverbolt gets out of Rhinox's hold and starts swinging his fists at him. Rhinox dodges and replies with one big uppercut that sends Silverbolt flying into a storage bin. Rhinox walks over and picks him up.)  
  
Rhinox: You wanna fight now, hard head? C'MON!  
  
(We see Rhinox throw Silverbolt next to Cheetor. Rhinox comes over and raises his fist. Silverbolt is whimpering and curling into a ball.)  
  
Optimus: RHINOX! STAND DOWN!  
  
Rhinox: Lowers fist.) Sorry, I just kind'dve lost it.  
  
Optimus: EVERYONE has lost it! (Shakes head and walks off.) We don't have to   
worry about the Preds; we'll finish each other off!  
  
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)   
  
(Zoom in on Cheetor and Blackarachnia, who are working on the Elevator system. Blackarachnia is attaching the elevator slides while Cheetor reworks the floor.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Hand me the Wrench.  
  
Cheetor: Okay. (Hands her the wrench and finishes installing the floor of the elevator, which is his height above the floor.)  
  
Cheetor: I'm going to go install the door.  
  
Blackarachnia: You do that, furhead.   
  
Cheetor: Don't call me furhead. (He jumps on top of the elevator and grabs a glass door from the Axalon to attach to a pair of hinges above him.)  
  
(He looks down at Blackarachnia, who is directly below the elevator, then glances at a button marked :GROUND LEVEL:. He smirks as he presses it, but it does nothing. He grimaces at the button and presses it again.)  
  
Cheetor: What the...  
  
(Suddenly a big girder falls from above him and slams into his head.)  
  
Cheetor: OW! UUUnngh! (He falls off the elevator and down next to Blackarachnia, who is cackling.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Shouldn't be so predictable, litter head. Hehehehahahaha..  
  
(We zoom out. Zoom into Silverbolt walking down the newly installed corridor, then Rattrap behind a wall. He throws out a Banana peel and watches Silverbolt coming down the corridor. Silverbolt is about to step on it, but he notices it, stops, and stoops down.)  
  
Silverbolt: Very amusing. I see you, Rattrap. This is a very sorry attempt at   
a practical joke--very unlike you. (He shakes the banana peel in front of Rattrap.)  
  
Rattrap: Well, what can I say? (Rattrap smirks as Silverbolt shakes his head and walks down the corridor. A giant pile of banana peels falls on Silverbolt, burying him.)  
  
Rattrap: Now THAT'S a joke. EHAHAHAHAHAAHHA! (He looks back down the   
corridor at Cheetor carrying an armful of steel girders, blocking his   
view. Rattrap slips the banana peel in the corridor; Cheetor slips on it, sending the girders flying into the air.)  
  
Cheetor: WHOSE idea was this? (He looks up.) Oh no! AAHHHHHH!! (The girders fall all over him, burying him too. Rattrap winces as each one slams into Cheetor)  
  
Rattrap: Now THAT musta hoit.   
  
(Zoom into the command center where Optimus and Rhinox are installing the   
CR Chamber. Blackarachnia runs around near the power cable leading from the Ark to the Base, screaming Cybertronian profanities because she is covered in some sort of green substance. Rhinox laughs, but Optimus growls.)  
  
Optimus: These practical jokes are getting out of hand!  
  
Rhinox: Come on, Optimus, it's just their way to deal with all this stress. Better this than something like a brawl.  
  
Optimus: But they're getting more dangerous. Hand me the Hyperspanner, please.  
(Rhinox goes to a tool box. He opens it and a plunger shoots out, sticking to his face and knocking him down. He pulls frantically at it but it doesn't come off.)  
  
Rhinox: HRRMPPRHH!  
  
Optimus: Hold still. Let me get it off.  
(We watch as Optimus pulls at it, huffing and puffing. When it comes off, Optimus stumbles backwards a little.)  
  
Rhinox: You're right, Optimus, these jokes have got to stop!  
  
Optimus: (grinning) But it's just their way of dealing with stress.......  
  
Rhinox: Slag stress release! There has GOT to be a better way than THIS!   
  
Optimus: Maybe. I'll see what I can think of.  
  
(Pan out to see Silverbolt carrying equipment to the newly put-in living quarters. He opens a door marked, "RESTRICTED". He puts the equipment in a pile and turns to leave, but he notices what looks like a small gun pointing at him.  
  
Silverbolt: Hmmm.....Interesting. (He looks closer. A big blob of blue paint fires into his face.)  
  
Silverbolt: AHHHHH! IT BURN! IT BURNS! (More paint blobs of different colors splat all over Silverbolt until he is covered. He runs out yelling that it burns. We see Rattrap pop out behind the gun; of course he is the one firing it.)  
  
Rattrap: Hehehehehehe. (He walks out, to be grabbed by the tie-dyed Silverbolt.)  
  
Silverbolt: VERMIN! I CAN BARELY SEE!   
  
Rattrap: Relax! It was jest paint! Like this! ( He points the paint gun at Silverbolt's face and fires a gold paint blob. His victim howls in pain and runs off, holding his eyes until he runs into Optimus.)  
  
Optimus: Silverbolt! What happened?  
  
Silverbolt: Rattrap shot me with a paint gun in the store room! Get it off, get it off,   
get it off! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! AIIIIGGGHHHHH!   
(Rattrap walks in whistling.)  
  
Optimus: Rattrap! Did you do this?  
  
Rattrap: Technically. It's just PAINT!  
  
Optimus: You did this in the store room? There's delicate equipment in there! You could've damaged something!  
  
Rattrap: It's just paint!  
  
Optimus: Rattrap, take Silverbolt to Rhinox. Have him clean Silverbolt up! Then gather everyone and tell them to come to the bridge! (Optimus stalks off, leaving Silverbolt moaning and clawing at his optics on the ground.)  
  
Rattrap: It's just Paint!  
  
(Zoom out. Zoom in on the bridge section, where all the Maximals are gathered.)  
  
Optimus: All right... first off, I want these practical jokes to stop. Is that clear?  
  
Rattrap: Sure, sure, whatever.  
  
Silverbolt: You can count on me, Sir!  
  
(We hear everyone else murmur their reply.)  
  
Optimus: Good. Now I understand we ALL have been working VERY hard these   
last few weeks getting our new base set up. And we're all are suffering from a lot of tension and stress. Lately, you've let it go in many forms, including various pranks and brawls. Well, I've been thinking of a way we can release some of this stress more positively...  
  
Rattrap: (whispers to Cheetor) Prob'bly another one'a his We Can Do it speeches.  
  
Optimus: I've decided we are going to CELEBRATE our construction thus far on our new base with a...(whispers to Rhinox) What's the word?  
  
Rhinox: A party.  
  
Optimus: With a party!  
  
Blackarachnia: A WHAT?  
  
Silverbolt: Oh, how festive!  
  
Cheetor: What's a party?  
  
Rattrap: In dis dump?  
  
Optimus: It will be held here in the bridge section. Now Cheetor has WILLINGLY decided to lend us his ummm, what was it? CD player! ---and his collection of 20th century Earth music.  
  
Cheetor: I have?  
  
Optimus: Rattrap has graciously allowed us to dip into his year 2112 Mech-fluid   
collection for beverages. I believe they also have a little Radon and Plutonium for a good kick.  
  
Rattrap: My WHAT?!!? OV'R MY STASIS LOCKED HIDE! You know how much they're worth? Over two HUNDRED Credits A POP!  
  
Optimus: (narrows his optics at Rattrap.) And what if I were to let, say...a big rhino into your precious collection? Would you like them to be disposed of in THAT particular way? So what do you say? (pan to Rhinox, who grins evilly and chuckles. Rattrap gulps, then grins sheepishly at Optimus.)  
  
Rattrap:Well, then I say let's break 'em out and put 'em in some ice, baby, 'cuz   
DIS rat is gonna par-tay hart-ay!!!  
  
Optimus: Wise choice. Rhinox has already gathered various food and such. It will begin as some as we have everything together. Let's get to work.   
  
(Everyone separates to get various items. The camera follows Cheetor to his room, where he grabs the Axalon model and a big box, then leaves.  
Zoom into Rattrap's quarters, where he is lugging a big crate out the door. Zoom out and then into the bridge, where Rhinox is laying platters of food on the bridge holo-table. Cheetor is setting up his CD Player and Optimus is preparing drinks. We see Rattrap frowning as his bottles are being put on ice. Zoom out to watch the party begin. Rhinox is serving drinks while Cheetor is playing "Dare to be Stupid." Silverbolt tries to convince Blackarachnia to dance, while SHE is examining a big glass of mech-fluid.)  
  
Silverbolt: I'm just saying it would be a good experience for you, my love!  
  
Blackarachnia: I will NOT dance. Let me taste this gunk in peace, will ya?  
  
(She sips it, looks thoughtful for a moment, then chugs the rest down. Zoom in on Silverbolt's face as his eyes widen with each glugging noise. Blackarachnia turns back to Silverbolt, looking a bit loopy.)  
  
Silverbolt: Are you well, my dear? That was a lot of Mech-fluid.  
  
Blackarachnia: Preciseshly *hiccup* twventy-t'ree glasseshs. Now, about dat   
danceshh?  
  
Silverbolt: I really do think you should sit down.  
  
Blackarachnia: Jusht be *hiccup* quiet. (She grabs Silverbolt's arm and starts dancing like Hotrod and Wreck-gar did. Rattrap break-dances with Rhinox while Optimus dances alone and Cheetor moves to the music. Zoom into Blackarachnia and Silverbolt. Silverbolt spins Blackarachnia out, then brings her back in with one arm.)  
  
Blackarachnia: WHEEEEE!!  
  
Silverbolt: I didn't know you danced so well, Beloved! Ginger Rogers has nothing on you!  
  
Blackarachnia: When ya gotsh *Hiccup* eight legsh, ya picksh up shome shtuff!  
  
Silverbolt: I think you should stop drinking the Mech-fluid, dear.  
  
(Zoom out to Optimus talking to Rhinox.)  
  
Rhinox: The party's a big hit!  
  
Optimus: Yes it is. I'm glad we didn't have to resort to plan B.  
  
Rhinox: You and me both.  
  
(Zoom back to Blackarachnia to see Silverbolt try to pry a drink out of her claw.)  
  
Silverbolt: You've had-- UNNF! Enough to drink, darling!  
  
Blackarachnia: AH'M Done when I SHAY I'm done!   
  
(They struggle over the drink until Blackarachnia falls to the floor. Silverbolt falls backward, sending the glass flying into the CD player. It starts to spark and crackle.)  
  
Cheetor: It's gonna blow!  
  
(Cheetor dives behind Optimus as the CD player makes a small explosion. Afterwards, he crawls out and pick up some pieces.)  
  
Cheetor: My CD player............  
  
Blackarachnia: NOW see what ya *hiccup* did, ya doberman!  
  
Silverbolt: MY FAULT???!!!  
  
Rattrap: T'at was my favorite song an' you ruined th' CD!  
  
(Rattrap walks toward Silverbolt, hands outstretched, while Rhinox helps Blackarachnia up.)  
  
Optimus: Rhinox! Blackarachnia! Time to switch to plan B!  
  
Rhinox: No, anything but that! Please Optimus! Don't make me.....  
  
Blackarachnia: YIPPEE! Spider's gonna *Hiccup* play shome Ivories!  
  
Optimus: Got no choice! (Blackarachnia, Rhinox, and Optimus group   
together. Rattrap is almost up to Silverbolt, who's gotten backed up against the   
food table. Cheetor comes toward him now too. The lights go out, causing confusion.)  
  
Rattrap: What the cheese??  
  
Cheetor: Hey!  
  
Silverbolt: What's going on?  
  
(Three lights focus on where the other three were. One light focuses on a green hand holding a long stick with a circle at the top. The second one shines on a big orange hand holding what SEEMS to be a guitar. Then we see the last one light up   
a black claw with brownish stripes. Below the claw is what looks   
like white keys with black ones in between. All the lights come up, and we see Optimus holding what resembles a guitar, but with several little buttons. We see Blackarachnia at a piano, with her eight machine gun legs poised and ready. Rhinox sits at a drumset. Optimus tilts his head to the others, then counts off 1-2-3 and slams into a hard version of Chuck Berry's classic, "Johnny Be Good." Zoom into Silverbolt's face, showing sheer   
surprise. Zoom into the other two audience members faces; they're stunned too.  
  
Rattrap: ......Holy canoly.......  
  
Silverbolt: Wha...ah.....er.......Dear lord......  
  
Cheetor: Keen gear!   
  
(Blackarachnia starts to play a solo with her spider legs and claws.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Spider is in da house! (The Maximals who aren't performing are dancing.)  
  
Rattrap: WOO HOO! Looks like Ape Bot c'n do somethin' AFTER all!   
  
Silverbolt: Why, I didn't know my beloved had such....skills!  
  
(As the song ends, Blackarachnia gets up, then falls over.)  
  
Rhinox: She's unconscious. Can we stop now? This is embarrassing.  
  
Optimus: Rattrap! Get up here! No, she isn't unconscious, Rhinox, just dizzy   
from the Mech-fluid.  
  
Rattrap: What?? Aw, no no, please don't make me come up t'ere...  
  
(Blackarachnia staggers to her many feet, holding her head in pain.)  
  
Blackarachnia: Ahhh, the li'l rat's afraid that the spider is better than him at something...  
  
Rattrap: WHAT???? LEMME AT THOSE IVORY'S!!! (Rattrap runs up onstage and sits at the piano.)  
  
Optimus: Alright, Cheetor, you too. Take the Cyber-guitar.  
  
Cheetor: Ahhh....you sure that's a good idea?  
  
Optimus: Why not? (Optimus hands Cheetor the guitar as he steps down.)  
  
Cheetor: Okay......If you say so, Big Bot.   
  
(Cheetor nervously takes the stage holding the guitar.)  
  
Cheetor: Our...uh.....next song is one from Cybertron...called "Optimus Prime's Funeral Dirge."  
  
Silverbolt: Optimus Prime's what?  
(Cheetor starts out with a short guitar solo as Rhinox takes out a trumpet.)  
  
Cheetor: (singing slowly at first, a Dixie tune. Rattrap begins playing)   
  
_When my time to go is near,  
Call my bots to gather here,  
Tell Wheeljack and Alpha Trion that I'm failing!  
_  
Rattrap:   
  
_But f'rget about yer black.  
Cause I'm planning ta come back.  
Play some honky tonky sweets, and Dixie wailing.  
_  
(They all start to play, and the Bots not singing are dancing to the   
beat.)  
  
Rattrap & Cheetor:   
  
_Pick me up and lay me down,  
And spread the news all over town,  
tell'em all to come or they'll be sorry!_  
  
_Pick me up and shake me twice,  
I'm coming back from paradise!  
This poor Bot is here to live in glory!  
_  
(Close-up of Rhinox playing the trumpet, then zoom into Rattrap's face.)  
  
Rattrap:   
  
_When Cyb'rtron begins ta quake,  
from th' shaking of mah wake,  
and stuff starts to fall like plaster,  
I'll be back playing music jus' like Blaster!  
_  
(Zoom into Cheetor, who is playing the guitar like an expert.)  
  
Cheetor:   
  
_While Autobots gather round to sit and cry,  
They'll watch the coffin rockin' round and squirmin!  
They'll raise a mighty shout,  
when my parts come shooting out!  
Then I'll praise myself and preach the final sermon.  
_  
(Cheetor moves over to Rattrap as they sing together.)  
  
Rattrap & Cheetor:   
  
_Pick me up and lay me down,  
And spread the news all over town,  
tell'em all to come or they'll be sorry!  
_  
_Pick me up and shake me twice,  
I'm coming back from paradise!  
This poor Bot is here to live in glory,_  
  
(Zoom into Silverbolt and Blackarachnia, who are dancing together, while   
Optimus is just moving to the beat.)  
  
Rattrap:   
  
_When r' honky Tonk grief,  
give's th' Matrix sweet relief,  
To know Dixie wailin's still survivin'!  
_  
(The music builds to a crescendo.)  
  
Cheetor & Rattrap:   
  
_Pick me up and lay me down,  
And spread the news all over town,  
tell'em all to come or they'll be sorry!_  
  
_Pick me up and shake me twice,  
I'm coming back from paradise!  
This poor Bot is here to live in GLOOORRRYYY!  
_  
(Everyone claps, and Optimus cheers. Then, as the band starts another song, Silverbolt walks over to Optimus.)  
  
Silverbolt: Optimus? Where did you get this........unique....equipment?  
  
Optimus: Well, I had Rhinox build it.  
  
Silverbolt: And how did you know that Earth song?  
  
Optimus: Well, before you can command an exploration vessel, you have to   
pass a test on several known species. Human Culture of the Twentieth century   
was my test. I quite like Chuck Berry.  
  
Silverbolt: I see. (He glances around the room at everyone.) This does seem to   
be relaxing everyone.  
  
Optimus: That it does. A little social interaction always does relax bots. And with help from other such diversions, we may just survive the Beast Wars without killing each other.  
  
(Zoom to a group shot, then slowly zoom out of the Mountain. Episode ends.)  
  


(Credits)  
  
(Some of credits shown):  
Editor:  
Endora60@aol.com  
  
Editor In Chief:  
HotRod2316@aol.com  



End file.
